Ripples Become Waves Over Time

The end of the year always brings about deeper contemplation about what we’re ready to leave behind. What about the stuff we inherited? 

It’s often said that we carry the weight of our ancestors' struggles—their pain, their mistakes, their unhealed wounds. Some call it a “blood curse”. In science we talk about epigenetics. Life circumstances and behaviors can alter the way genes function without changing the DNA sequence. We don’t just carry memories or behaviors; there is a literal, biological inheritance that shapes us. The things that happened to our elders us not only changed them, but also potentially altered how our genes function.

I think many of us experience saying or doing something a parent or other family member would have. It can be shocking, especially when we promised ourselves we would never, ever grow up to be like them. I know it happens to me. It can feel like we’re fated to become the very thing we’ve tried to avoid. And if we convince ourselves we can’t change it, we can feel trapped in these patterns.

It’s hard to shift—breaking these patterns takes deep work and mindfulness. But it is possible. This struggle is part of the human experience, not something to be ashamed of.

I try to remember, it's not just the painful legacies that get passed down; it's also the wisdom, the survival instincts, the moments when our ancestors chose to rise instead of giving in to defeat.

Each of us is the sum of both the painful and the powerful moments in our lineage. Every time our ancestors overcame a hardship, that strength is encoded within us, even if we don’t always recognize it. The ways they fought back, held on, found joy, and kept going—it’s not just a part of our history; it’s a part of who we are. Remembering this is especially important for those of us who’ve come from communities or families that have faced systemic hardship. 

Throughout all human history—how many of us had ancestors that were abused, enslaved, subjugated, mistreated? How many of them had to survive natural disasters? Wars? Disease? Disability? How many were exiled? How many had to relocate and start life all over again? 

How many were the abusers? The enslavers? The subjugators? The oppressors? It’s likely we have both surging through our veins. And I think that internal battle plays out in our day-to-day, even if we don’t recognize it.

While we may carry the echoes of our ancestors’ struggles and triumphs, we also have the power to choose how we respond to these inherited legacies.

Acknowledging where we come from—honoring both the pain and the victories—can be a powerful tool for rewriting our own stories. It’s not about pretending that the past doesn’t affect us, but about recognizing that we are not helpless in the face of it.

Each generation has the power to change the trajectory for future ones. Healing or growth in one generation can affect the lives of the next. The act of choosing to break a cycle, changes how future generations experience the world. Embracing and nurturing the positive traits from our family lines can ripple forward in ways we may never fully understand as well. These ripples become waves over time.

My hope is that with each forthcoming generation, we actively choose to confront, learn from, and transform the patterns that no longer serve us. Allowing us to carry forward the best parts of our heritage—whether that’s courage, kindness, tenacity, or love—and find ways to leave the harmful parts behind.